This is Killer One, Immortal of Asia:
Have you no sense, feeble minded ones? Last night I gave you fair warning what would happen to those foolish enough not to heed my words. Apparently the world is full of unbelievers. According to information provided by certain sources, no one– I repeat– no one –acquired either of the two venerable tomes to which I referred. There were no sales of either of the Mordecai Slate books. A deplorable state of affairs.
Perhaps you thought my warnings were mere idle threats. But now you know better, minions. You know the Immortal of Asia makes no threat he does not make good. You have already experienced the result. Last night as punishment, you were inflicted with two mind-numbing TV series premiers that certainly cost you dearly in loss of brain cells.
I’m referring to that laughable “Blood and Oil” starring Don Johnson, and “Quantico” starring a Bollywood pinup girl and other assorted nameless beings. (Although I do have to admit I rather enjoyed the scenes of havoc and destruction wrought on Grand Central Station). I promise you, if you do not act soon even more deadly rays will be sent to your brains through the receivers in your homes. Act now before it is too late.