STATIC **** CRACKLE****HUMMM! A GONG SOUNDS.
Sorry, folks, but our transmission is being hijacked. Someone is jamming our frequency. We hope – – –
A sinister voice breaks through the static:
THIS IS KILLER ONE, IMMORTAL OF ASIA SPEAKING.
(Oh, no. Him again!)
It has been some time since my last communication. It has been well for you, minions. I have not felt the need to intrude into your dull, mundane existences in the last 10 months. I know how upsetting it can be for your puny minds to receive message from another world. But there is now a need for me to stir the stagnant waters of your turgid imagination once again in order to correct a troubling problem.
As you know a book written by one of the few humans whose existence on your feckless planet can be justified, a book called “Hunting Monsters Is My Business,” by John M. Whalen, has been getting excellent critical reviews. The most recent critique by Skelos, the Journal of Weird Fiction and Dark Fantasy, said Robert E. Howard, one of the originators of the weird western genre, would have liked these stories. The reviewer even compared Whalen’s style to some personage named Hemingway.
This is not the only critical kudo this astonishing piece of literature has received. If you look at the Amazon page for “Hunting Monsters Is My Business,” you will note that there has been a total of five reviews written by five reputable, highly respected publications, including Amazing Stories, The Pulp Chronicler, Blood Moon Rising, and Bill Criders Pop Culture Magazine.
The book has been a success, selling well enough to stay in the top 100 Amazon Horror/Western ebooks since it was published in 2014. One must conclude its good critical reception has been a contributing factor to its success. And yet there is one glaring inconsistency to be noted. While the editorial reviews have been coming in, thus far only four readers who obtained a copy of “Hunting Monsters Is My Business,” have bothered to write a customer review. Only four out of the many who have been reading. You puny earthlings are unaware how important these reviews from the publisher’s point of view. The more reviews a book has the more attention it receives from Amazon. And the more attention it gets, the more the public learns about it.
I can only attribute this lack of customer reviews on a book that has sold well to the inherent laziness of the average earth-dweller. It is not enough for you to read the book, you must tell everyone about it. As for the rest of you, those who have not yet gotten your copy in ebook or paperback, you know what you must do.
And so I’m giving fair warning. My Shadows of Darkness will be observing over the next few days to see if this situation is corrected. Write reviews, buy books, you shallow clods, or feel the wrath of KILLER ONE, IMMORTAL OF ASIA!!
A GONG SOUNDS!
Static * * * * Crackle**** HUMM!
Sorry about that folks.Our engineers our busy trying to locate the source of that transmission and to find a way to prevent such interruptions in the future.